Get Ready for Romance

Many parents enjoy coaching their children in organized sports. Some see this activity as the most positive way they can be actively involved in with their kids. While this may be the case, there are some additional considerations to keep in mind.

There are many benefits of participation in structured activities for our children. Included among these are the social skills learning that can take place, the physical exertion, the establishment of friendships, andthe gratification that flowsfrom involvementin a cause larger than the self.

An additional benefit is the opportunity for the child to learn to make his way in the world that exists beyond his family. While family provides the protective nurturing that isessential to the development of children, it is also importantthat kids learn to make their way in the absence of family, especially parents.

Doing so provides a child a sense of personal capability andassurance as they venture from the safety of the home into a setting that can involve some anxiety. Performing in the face of this anxiety brings a sense of mastery along with the confidence that they can repeat this type of performance in future situations where family is not present.

If a parent is involved in this activity, this sense can be diluted.

Additionally, when parents coach their children, it can produce some anxiety born of confusion. On the court or playing field, the child may be uncertain; is this my dad or my coach that I'm relating to right now? Similarly, that confusion can extend to the home; the child may think "Is it my mom or my coach that is talking to me?"

This is not to say that parents should not coach their children. It is merely to point out some potential downsides to what many parents believe is an Do You Really Want to Change?We’ve all heard the statistics about the likelihood of keeping New Year’s resolutions. Instead of talking about the failure of the New Year’s promise, here is some information about how to make those changes stick. According to Change Theory, there are six steps to making a change. The first is Precontemplation, when you first notice some discomfort with an aspect in your life. The second is Contemplation. In this stage, the problem becomes something that takes up some mental space. Many people are in the contemplation stage for weight loss after the holidays. The ads on TV and extra pounds begin to focus our attention on this topic. Those who are serious about changing, might move into the Preparation and Planning stage where they would come up with a plan, like joining Weight Watchers or setting a goal. They might also tell someone so that they had some accountability. Now it is time for Action. This involves really taking the plan and doing it. Setting goals is helpful, so that there is a target to work toward. Make sure that goals are specific, measurable and attainable, like 10 lbs by April 1. An unrealistic target can contribute to failure. Once a goal is reached, the next phase is Maintenance, where the change becomes more than an exercise but rather incorporated into the daily lifestyle. Finally, once this goal is achieved, proceed to the Termination phase to celebrate your victory. Weight was used a today’s example but this process can be useful in changing lifestyle habits as well. Think about what you would like to change in your life and set goals.
Laurie Freeman, LMFT (http://www.lauriebfreeman.com) is a licensed family therapist with a practice on the northside of Indianapolis, IN. She specializes in family and play therapy but also has extensive experience with couples and individual clients. Training includes a Master's in Marriage and Family Therapy from the Christian Theological Seminary Training Center in Indianapolis. Laurie has also received additional training in play therapy and participates in ongoing play therapy supervision. She has worked for 5 years at the CTS Counseling Center Clinic in addition to her more recent private practice. Other counseling experience includes 2 years of volunteer work as a Guardian Ad Litem for Child Advocates in Indianapolis. Laurie is a clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapist and is a member of the Association for Play Therapy. She has also volunteered for several community events including a panel on guilt for the Greater Indianapolis Jewish Federation and a parenting panel for Hadassah. Counseling is a second career for Laurie. Prior to this training she has worked in sales and sales management for Prentice Hall College and Macmillan Computer publishing. This earlier career provided much life experience to add to her formalized training. Personally, Laurie is married and the mother of two teenaged children which additionally provides a wealth of practical experience. Laurie publishes a quarterly newsletter which may be accessed on this site and can provide information on areas of specialization as well as provide a sense of Laurie's style and counseling orientation.

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