Get Ready for Romance

We live in a culture of fear. Parents are bombarded by television reports, newspaper articles, and Internet postings of bad and occasionally tragic things happening to children. As a consequence, they are communicating to their children that the world is a fearful place and people whom they don't know are not to be trusted.

Parents will commonly say to me, "Well, you know how things are today . . " as though evil was invented just a few years ago. But bad people have always been with us. We just hear more about them because television is now on around the clock. The stories, as tragic as they are, are repeated incessantly with accompanying video. In reaction, parents are teaching their children to be afraid.

Despite the occasional horrific stories that we hear, there is no need for fear. There is, however, as there always has been, aneed for prudence. Our children need to be taught how to use their judgment to evaluate risk, to size up situations and people for their problematic potential.

This is very different from starting at fear as the lowest common denominator. For example, I commonly hear from children whose parents have taught them that strangers are to be avoided. It is easy for them to make the connection between aviodance and fear--that which we are told toavoid must by its very nature be fearful.

I find that advice--to avoid strangers--to be wrong-headed. There is no way for us to meet people and expand our circle of friends without being open to those we don't yet know (i.e., strangers). That advice advocates avoiding people until we come to learn otherwise, thereby guaranteeing that we start from a baseline of fear.

If we teach children to avoid and fear strangers, we are teaching them to fear At Lotus Group, we see potential. We see it in every client who comes through the door. We see it in every family that - purely out of love - does what it takes to make life better. We know how hard it is to heal. We also know that working to create healthy, growing relationships might just be the most rewarding act a person can ever do.Serving central Indiana including Indianapolis, Fishers, Carmel, Anderson, Greenwood, Noblesville, Plainfield, Westfield, Franklin, Brownsburg, Greenfield, Muncie, Zionsville, Danville and Avon The primary focus of my private practice is to establish a comfortable therapeutic relationship with individuals, couples, families, children and teens who are seeking help and support in restoring hope during stressful times when answers seem evasive. Some examples are relationship crisis, couples and families needing to improve their communication skills, anger management, chronic illness and death, parent-child conflict, and a variety of loss issues. As the founder of Brooke's Place for Grieving Young People I have a great deal of experience assessing family members needs following the death of loved ones and determining how the griever will reconcile their tragedy's through healthy self-care.. I have also experienced success in facilitating groups in corporate settings, schools, universities and congregations on a variety of topics. For more information or to schedule an apointment contact me by phone at 317-753-9030 or email, This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it As an ex and second wife, mom and stepmom, for nearly 9 years, I've had A LOT of practice when it comes to dealing with divorce, remarriage and the blended family. In addition to my real life experience, I am also nationally certified to deal with this specific area of marriage and family counseling. Having worked closely with Dr. Jeannette Lofas, President of the Stepfamily Foundation, who received a Presidential Award for 30 years of her work with stepfamilies, and the only organization that certifies individuals for work in this specific area; I am a firm believer that families dealing with these types of issues needs a very specific type of therapist. My clients get a therapist who has walked and continues to walk in their shoes and therefore; can completely relate to what they are going through and offer solutions to help. Whether you just got a divorce and are in need of a co-parenting plan; are about to get remarried and are in need of an entry plan; or are currently immersed in your blended family and are in need of a recovery plan; I create customized plans that allow you to manage your family system and create harmony within your blended family unit. Laurie has experience in the areas listed below. She is accepting new clients and always welcomes referrals. Play Therapy with Children ages 3-17Experience with children of divorce, and children who have experienced neglect or sexual abuse.Children with behavioral and social adjustment issues.Teen clients including teens suffering from anxiety and depression.Couples TherapyPremarital evaluationRelational issuesLife cycle event adjustment ie) getting used to being empty nestersDivorce planning-what's best for the kidsJoint parenting adviceIndividual TherapyGrief/lossAnxietyDepressionJob change/ crisisSelf ImprovementFamily of origin issues including how to differentiate from parentsIndividual life cycle adjustmentsSessions are available in one hour increments. Session times may be adjusted according to client's needs. In addition, Laurie is willing to speak to groups on a variety of topics. Because I see children, I am often asked questions about parenting. Some are very specific, asking about how to handle a behavioral issue like anger or doing homework. Other times, the questions are more general and it feels like the parent is looking for my approval. Without actually asking the question, they are wondering, “Am I doing it right”, “Will my child be harmed because I work?” or here’s what Tommy or I did in response to this situation- “Are we normal?” It seems that our ideas of good parenting are shaped by many different influences. Of course , our parents’ ideas of parenting shape our own but things were so different when we were children that it is hard to compare. Men weren’t expected to be as involved, if they were involved at all and fewer women were in the workforce. Society shapes our ideas of what is expected now but messages may be mixed depending on one’s social or economic surroundings. At times, especially with middle class families, parenting feels like a competition. My child got into this school or plays this sport competitively or is in these extracirricullar activities. Grades and test scores become public know ledge and at times feel more like a reflection of the parents’ performance than the child. The above discussion doesn’t even address yet another complication. The parent who was poorly parented and knows they want to do things differently but does not have a close role model. How does one know the best way to parent? Assuming that there are no problems with physical, verbal or sexual abuse and your child is safe, here are some guidelines to assure a parent that they are doing it right. 1. There is no RIGHT way to do it. All parents do the best they can given their own stage of development.2. There is no PERFECT parent, nor should a parent try to be perfect. In fact, according to researcher D.W. Winnicott, it is imperative that we fail our children at times so that they develop resilience and skills to take care of themselves in the real world.3. What is important, according to Winnicott is that we be a GOOD ENOUGH parent. This means meeting the needs of the child enough so that they understand that in general, the world is a reliable place and that others can be trusted.4. This goal can be accomplished whether you work or stay home. A parent who is dissatisfied with their own situation will project this disatisfaction on to their children and won’t be as emotionally available.5. Be intentional about the values that you want to pass along to your children and model them in your life.6. Provide firm and consistent discipline. Children need their parents to be parents and not permissive friends.Be open to other’s way s of parenting and recognize that there is no one way of doing it. Follow your intuition and do the best you can.

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